A Mother’s Song
(written 4/12/2023)


Love never felt like this before.
Like awe,
Like a small seed growing,
Stretching my body,
Swelling my breasts.

Love never felt like this before.
Like pain,
Like screaming, unbearable pain,
Like a perfect baby boy.

Love never felt like this before.
Like the essence of life,
Like brown eyes gazing,
Memorizing my face,
Like tiny fingers
Wrapped around mine.

Love never felt like this before.
Like wonder,
Like tiny ants crawling and birds flying
And raindrops falling,
Like every new thing.

Love never felt like this before.
Like separating
For school and friends and
A world unshared.

Love never felt like this before.
Like shock, like disbelief,
Like my world turned upside down
Like …
You’re gay?

Love never felt like this before.
Like fear, like anger, like danger,
Like my pain shrinking in the shadow of your greater pain.

Love never felt like this before.
Like illness, like cancer.
Cancer!
Oh! My boy! Love…

… never felt like this before.
Like ashes.
Like all that’s left are ashes
Going into the ground.
Ashes and memories.

Love never felt like this before.